Thursday, October 22, 2009

unbroken

Once. I thought the struggle was over. Once. I thought it was a lesson learned. Once. I thought the conflict was won. One. Two. Three. Four. Times over. Will the lesson ever end. In and out. Back and forth. One way or another. Will there ever be a resolve? Will I ever move on? Why is the chain unbroken?

The roots that anchor me to this are deep. Gnarled and twisted with high emotional knots of hate, unresolved conflict, self doubt and love as cold as ice. Deep within Mother Earth I have buried these roots. Below the water line. Hidden. Nothing should grow of these roots. Not one of them raised above the soil top to be stumbled over. Hidden away from the sun. Where I wish for them to remain. And yet. And yet.....

I want to scream out to the universe with this pain and plead "NO MORE!" How many times must I go through this? What is it that I have not done before that I need to do this time? What is left of this lesson that I have not already learned in my soul torn past? What is left? What will be left? In the end. After the curtain falls and the cast has all gone home and I am left alone. Again. Alone. Asking the same question as before.

Why?

In the end I will lose. As before. And as it shall be again.

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